You Have Been Assigned To: The CRUMMIES

The CRUMMIES are a land-based crew covering the northern region of Canada across Ontario, Quebec and the lower Northwest Territories.

A CRUMMY, of which this crew pilots a fleet of 24, is a jury-rigged vehicle consisting of the engine and cab of a one-ton truck fitted with the back of any number of large machinery or vehicle ends (this may include flatbeds, hydraulic lifts, freight boxes and construction vehicles, and gutted schoolbuses with wood stoves for crew quarters). This crew raids the north’s many treeplanting camps, fishing lodges and factory towns and are nicknamed ‘THE CROWS’ for their skilled extraction, stripping materials (factories, paper mills and other industrial features) so completely from their environments that no trace is left.

Crummy pirates can be identified by the hunting plaids they wear in order to blend with northern folk. It is said this crew mingles without detection, a dangerous and unsanctioned habit for which they have been issued several union notices.

Should your application be forwarded to the Recruitment Office for consideration, and should said application be accepted for apprenticeship, the following senior commanding officer may agree to tolerate your presence as contractually agreed below.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST.

‘RIPSAW’ Mick MacKenzie
CAPTAIN, The Crummies
Hudson Bay Region, Canada
(Fleet [24] modified bush vehicles led by command unit Stompin’ Tom; portable camp [1])